It actually was 3 days before Christmas and for the first time since Larry passed away I had inner peace with the holiday.
I had “made it” through Thanksgiving and my birthday and those were the most important for me to move through. I did it with the help of several friends. When December arrived I knew I was ready to open the bins in my garage and bring out the holiday decor.
We all have our own ways to grieve, we all have things that trigger memories and tears, and in my world I cannot decorate my tree with ornaments we had collected for 20+ years.
For years I had put a tree up in our bedroom. Larry called it my fancy tree because it was butterflies, and glittery gold ornaments, shiny turquoise balls, and yes, it is fancy. It is in my living room now, a perfect chick tree and I like it a lot.
I have no problem with the table top decor we had together, it is just the ornaments we collected, and the special ornaments for our 3 dogs who all sit at Larry’s feet in heaven.
Music fills my house too. I choose wisely as there are just some groups I cannot listen to, and probably never will hear again. I stick to smooth jazz musicians and Johnny Mathis.
All of this is okay. We all grieve in different ways. There are no rules. Follow your heart, it won’t steer you wrong. Only do what feels right in your gut. Follow your gut, it won’t lie to you.
I am blessed with a huge amount of supportive friends. My phone rings all the time, and this is where I am going to state you get back what you put out there. I have created a friendship base of loyal friends. These are people who would never take a swipe at me. True friends do not do that and I am surrounded by true friends.
Friendships often change when grief walks in the door. I had it happen to me several times however in moving forward from people who just are born mean made such a difference.
Twas several days before Christmas and I am blessed. I have inner peace. I will be alone on Christmas Day and it doesn’t bother me at all. I am even making a big dinner for 1 person-me. Rosie will benefit from it and as I look back over the past 14 months I can say with certainty moving to the Upstate of South Carolina was a very good decision.