Those Hard Days

Those hard days happen and will always happen until we no longer walk on top of the ground ourselves.

I write about them publicly on social media as a reminder to all who read me tomorrow is never promised and many times the end comes with no damn warning.

This past week I realized it was 2 1/2 years since the night my love had his stroke and left me behind. I look at his photos and ask him how he could leave such a great marriage. I wish he could answer.

If you know me, if you know our story, if you read my book then you know I caught Larry in my arms and held him close as he became unconscious. I ask God all the time if he knew I held him as he left me. Perfect love story ending, right? Wrong.

Yes, I believe Larry deserved to die this way over being alone somewhere, or driving his car and hitting a tree or another car or worse. We all deserve to die in someone’s arms after all we hit this world and are immediately cradled in the arms of someone.

I am pretty sure this won’t be the way I leave. Yes, Larry did deserve to be cradled and held. He did not deserve the screams that came out of my body, or the panic in my voice, or the small slap I gave him to see if I could wake him up.

Those hard days will happen over and over and we cannot hide from them, all we can do is ride the waves as they wash over us and eventually we find peace again.

We know we cannot change what happened, we cannot re-write our happy endings because in reality the happiness exists while we exist. This is what we must spend time covering ourselves with daily. One more time, tomorrow is never promised.

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