Throwing Down the Gauntlet

Yes, I threw down the gauntlet metaphorically on Wednesday, even if the people in the world of definition say it isn’t used metaphorically.

Wednesday would have been our 20th wedding anniversary, and this year I planned to be in control of this special day.

I told friends it was okay to wish me a Happy Anniversary because in saying it they were acknowledging the love Larry and I shared.

I made a therapy appointment the week before and the two of us worked hard using EMDR to help me cushion the trauma in my brain about this day.

This explains what EMDR is:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy treatment that was originally designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories.

I had already done some somatic experience work in New Mexico. I was taught in therapy there to use the memory of the happiest day of my life, which was our wedding day, to calm me and restore balance whenever triggered with a lot of grief.

This past Wednesday had moments of having tears in my eyes and many more moments of total joy remembering the love, the happiness, the fun of that day.

Last year was horrid. I refused to have that happen again.

It didn’t.

My grief therapist told me that my resilience shines through because I have become my own grief expert. She is correct. I get online, I research, I read stories, and I celebrate my strength.

I also grieve. I will grieve Larry’s death for the rest of my life. Grief doesn’t end. I just live happier, I live in gratitude for being so loved, and I know how proud Larry would be right now if he could peek down and see me. Maybe he can, maybe he is.

The look of love.
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6 thoughts on “Throwing Down the Gauntlet”

  1. I believe he is looking down. About a month before Rick died I told not to worry I would be ok. There different levels of ok in my book. Each day I tell myself I am ok. Some days I am more ok than others. This is a very hard and long road. I am thankful for the support that God has given me. Thank you for your post. They help be OK.

  2. So proud of you, Carole!! I love the way you have taken control . You and Larry have an everlasting love – I feel certain that Larry is watching you and cheering you forward. ❤️

    1. It is definitely everlasting. People ask if I will date again – I give them my list of requirements – the requirements match Larry 100% – my answer is truly I am not interested at all. Thanks Cindy

  3. all that know you and love you know that Larry is watching you every moment and just be mean that great big smile of his that we all liked

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